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Hey Mom and Dad,
So, there have been some things on my
mind lately but I don't feel like I can talk to you about them. I hope
this isn't weird, but I want to let you know what I've been thinking
and feeling. Okay, here goes….
First of all I need you to
tell me I'm beautiful.
Unless I am 6 feet tall, thin and
blonde I unquestionably will feel insecure about my appearance.
Actually, my best friend is 6 feet tall, thin and blonde and she thinks
she's too tall and wants brown hair. Hahaha. You get it? I
need to hear that you think I'm beautiful each and every day. The world
is bombarding me with lies about my appearance. Open any of my
magazines, watch MTV or listen to the radio. My culture is OBSESSED
with image. Don't go overboard. I don't need you to encourage vanity,
immodesty or other sinful behavior, but it's so important that you
remind me everyday about the things that make me physically beautiful.
And don't just tell me I'm pretty, give me specifics. Tell me I have
pretty eyes, that you like how I've styled my hair, that you can tell
I've been exercising and you're proud of me, that I have a pretty
smile, you know, that kind of stuff.
I also want you to be part of my
learning experience. Try to remember what it was like for you
in high school (if you can remember back that far). Just kidding!
School is one of the most difficult parts of my life. A
positive high school experience can prepare me to step confidently into
adult life, a negative experience can do just the opposite. Let me know
that you think my education and school related activities are
important. Yeah, I know I act like I don't care if you go to my
softball game, band concert or teacher meeting but it really does make
a difference to me. Ask me about my struggles with grades, classes,
teachers, coaches and ask how you can help. However please recognize
that I am growing up and trying to learn how to solve my own
problems…which leads me to my next point.
I need your trust…and some space.
You are my parent! And even though I
might argue with you, you have a right to know where I am, who I'm
with, what time I'll be home and why my room is so messy. What you are
not is a jail warden. I know this may sound harsh (brace yourself) but
let me tell you how I feel …you don't need to know everything about my
life and I'm not going to tell you everything about my life. Okay
breathe. Now, while EVERYONE'S SITUATION IS DIFFERENT there are some
privacy boundaries that for the average girl (like myself) shouldn't be
crossed. If you find yourself sneaking around digging through my
drawers, checking my text messages, listening on the other line or (and
I hate this one) calling my friends to dig up gossip, you and I are
going to have some serious problems. If I could sum it up it would be
this: until I give you a reason to NOT trust me, trust me! If I'm not
trustworthy be upfront and let me know the steps you are going to take
to ensure that I'm safe. I want to earn your trust back.
There's so much else I could say but
the last thing I'll say is this; I need your verbal
encouragement. Recently, when one of our youth leaders asked
"how many of you have ever been called sexually derogatory word by your
parents?" nearly every girl raised her hand. Doesn't that just break
your heart? I thought back to the time I was wearing that skirt to the
mall (and I'll admit that it was too short). But instead of just
telling me to change you told me I looked like a slut. I don't want you
to feel bad, but that made me cry and feel so ugly. Maybe you think
that this type of 'tough love' can whip me into shape. I totally get
that you need to discipline me however God's word tell us in Ephesians
4 that we are to strengthen one another by speaking the truth in
love. Mom, I am getting SO much discouragement from the world,
and you can combat that by speaking encouragement into my life. Dad, I
meet boys all the time who tell me things I want to hear, but I have a
feeling they are just telling me that to get what they want out of me.
I know it's awkward now that I'm getting older, but I still need to
know that you love me and think good things about me. Dealing with
harsh words from parents is one of the main things that my friends and
I talk about with our FRAT leaders (second to boys). You have no idea
how much damage a flippant, cruel remark can make. While you cannot
take back the words you said to me, you can apologize for them and let
me know that the things you said were said in anger and that you didn't
mean to hurt me. Then, next time I do something that drives you crazy,
discipline me respectfully. After all, I'm almost an adult. You will
not only help start healing in my heart but you'll teach me super
important lessons about humility and repentance.
Mom, Dad, I love you. I want you to
see that I'm trying to become the best woman I can, but I can't do it
without you. I need your encouragement. I need to know you care. I need
you.
Love, your daughter
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