Hey Mom and Dad,

So, there have been some things on my mind lately but I don't feel like I can talk to you about them. I hope this isn't weird, but I want to let you know what I've been thinking and feeling. Okay, here goes….

First of all I need you to tell me I'm beautiful.

Unless I am 6 feet tall, thin and blonde I unquestionably will feel insecure about my appearance. Actually, my best friend is 6 feet tall, thin and blonde and she thinks she's too tall and wants brown hair. Hahaha. You get it?  I need to hear that you think I'm beautiful each and every day. The world is bombarding me with lies about my appearance. Open any of my magazines, watch MTV or listen to the radio. My culture is OBSESSED with image. Don't go overboard. I don't need you to encourage vanity, immodesty or other sinful behavior, but it's so important that you remind me everyday about the things that make me physically beautiful. And don't just tell me I'm pretty, give me specifics. Tell me I have pretty eyes, that you like how I've styled my hair, that you can tell I've been exercising and you're proud of me, that I have a pretty smile, you know, that kind of stuff.

I also want you to be part of my learning experience. Try to remember what it was like for you in high school (if you can remember back that far). Just kidding! School is one of the most difficult parts of my life.  A positive high school experience can prepare me to step confidently into adult life, a negative experience can do just the opposite. Let me know that you think my education and school related activities are important. Yeah, I know I act like I don't care if you go to my softball game, band concert or teacher meeting but it really does make a difference to me. Ask me about my struggles with grades, classes, teachers, coaches and ask how you can help. However please recognize that I am growing up and trying to learn how to solve my own problems…which leads me to my next point.

I need your trust…and some space.

You are my parent! And even though I might argue with you, you have a right to know where I am, who I'm with, what time I'll be home and why my room is so messy. What you are not is a jail warden. I know this may sound harsh (brace yourself) but let me tell you how I feel …you don't need to know everything about my life and I'm not going to tell you everything about my life. Okay breathe. Now, while EVERYONE'S SITUATION IS DIFFERENT there are some privacy boundaries that for the average girl (like myself) shouldn't be crossed. If you find yourself sneaking around digging through my drawers, checking my text messages, listening on the other line or (and I hate this one) calling my friends to dig up gossip, you and I are going to have some serious problems. If I could sum it up it would be this: until I give you a reason to NOT trust me, trust me! If I'm not trustworthy be upfront and let me know the steps you are going to take to ensure that I'm safe. I want to earn your trust back.

There's so much else I could say but the last thing I'll say is this; I need your verbal encouragement. Recently, when one of our youth leaders asked "how many of you have ever been called sexually derogatory word by your parents?" nearly every girl raised her hand. Doesn't that just break your heart? I thought back to the time I was wearing that skirt to the mall (and I'll admit that it was too short). But instead of just telling me to change you told me I looked like a slut. I don't want you to feel bad, but that made me cry and feel so ugly. Maybe you think that this type of 'tough love' can whip me into shape. I totally get that you need to discipline me however God's word tell us in Ephesians 4 that we are to strengthen one another by speaking the truth in love. Mom, I am getting SO much discouragement from the world, and you can combat that by speaking encouragement into my life. Dad, I meet boys all the time who tell me things I want to hear, but I have a feeling they are just telling me that to get what they want out of me. I know it's awkward now that I'm getting older, but I still need to know that you love me and think good things about me. Dealing with harsh words from parents is one of the main things that my friends and I talk about with our FRAT leaders (second to boys). You have no idea how much damage a flippant, cruel remark can make. While you cannot take back the words you said to me, you can apologize for them and let me know that the things you said were said in anger and that you didn't mean to hurt me. Then, next time I do something that drives you crazy, discipline me respectfully. After all, I'm almost an adult. You will not only help start healing in my heart but you'll teach me super important lessons about humility and repentance.

Mom, Dad, I love you. I want you to see that I'm trying to become the best woman I can, but I can't do it without you. I need your encouragement. I need to know you care. I need you.

Love, your daughter

I am an addict

My stepmother physically abused me as a child until I was 12 when my father divorced her. He tried to make the relationship last for the sake of my little brother, I don’t blame him. He didn’t know what to do. I also think he didn’t know the years of pain and suffering it would cause me, to this day it haunts me.

At 12 I started cutting my wrists, I never really knew why it just made me feel better. Then at 13 I started smoking pot and drinking (still not to the addict point yet). However for the next few years I started experimenting with harder drugs, the next thing I knew it was my 16^th b-day and in the middle of the night I was taken out of my bed by two escorts to a boot camp in Idaho, I cried I screamed, I ran away, and finally I just realized I had to “fake it till I made it”. So I did. I came home 6 weeks later and got dramatically worse; the next year at a whole 80 pounds I got sent away again this time in handcuffs to a lock down facility in Utah.

Parents, if your child has a drug problem, I URGE you to not send them to these “camps”… they are horrible and depressing and only made me hate my family for putting me there. After the last time I got sent away till the day I turned 18 I slept with a knife under my pillow, I was ready to kill anyone that was going to take me again. Being taken in the middle of the night by two strange people is more traumatizing than you will ever know.

If your child has a drug problem they need rehab. That’s what I needed. I’m 23 now, I have 2 months of sobriety, I’m living in a sober living home and just hoping that this is the last time I ever go through this.

Catch your child’s drug problem before they have to go through what I and many of us in alcoholics anonymous have had to see and go through